What's going on in your head?

1 in 3 people in Nepal are suffering from psychiatric problems. Over 90 percent of the population who needs mental health services has no access to treatment. Government spending is less than 1% of its total healthcare budget on mental health. Mental health services are concentrated in the big cities, with 0.22 psychiatrists and 0.06 psychologists per a population of 100,000. There are approximately only 50 psychiatric clinics and 12 counseling centers.  

Source  ~ MAINSTREAMING MENTAL HEALTH:CONTEXT, CHALLENGES AND CRITICALPATHWAYS  by IAN WALKER and SUDEEP UPRETY  Presentation for Idea Interchange, HERD June 14, 2016

On Thursday and Friday last week, the teaching and administrative staff of Shree Indreswori Secondary School got basic psycho-social counseling training. The psychosocial expert Ms. Sagun KC from Centre for Mental Health and Counselling –Nepal (CMC-Nepal), along with some our staff who got advanced training, taught us a lot of things about children’s as well as our own mental well-being.  Dr. Sagun KC and her office is working with the government to test the effectiveness of having a counseling center in the schools of Nepal. She informed us that Rasuwa and Gorkha districts’ public schools also have gone through similar program. They have a pilot counseling program going on. Our school was lucky enough, thanks to our head sir, to get a similar program. In collaboration with the CMC, our school will now have a wonderful counseling center which would provide a safe space for those who are going through any kind of worry, tension, learning problems, disinterest in studying, etc.

I feel that I was very fortunate to have taken this training. I would not have thought of getting such a training if I wasn’t here working in Melamchi as a Teach for Nepal fellow.

Teaching is hard. It is harder if your place of work is a semi-rural town far from your immediate family who lives in the city. It is equally hard for those who permanently live there and once aspired to get out but did not do so due to societal and familial responsibilities that weighed on their shoulders. It gets monotonous sometimes. Also, the scorching heat sucks the little energy that you mustered to get up and go to work.

In such conditions, gaining knowledge about how to love oneself before others, practicing meditations to calm down, and understanding our own minds was a beautiful gift to us teachers. One big take away from the training was what Ms. Sagun said about freeing our minds. She said something along these lines:

If so and so get a new job or loses one, if someone else’s wife gets pregnant, why should we take the stress and make it our topic of conversation. Similarly, if someone gives us a complement, why should we take that stress of wondering why they complemented or if they were joking. All that stress we should not take. If someone complements you just say thank you and move on. What people think of us is these people’s own stress, it is not our problem. It is their stress, not ours.

"अरुको तनाब  किन  आफुले  लिने ?"

Pabitra's story

You cannot help everyone. But when you find someone whom you want to help, you should.

I am deeply consumed in this thought these days. I came to know recently that a student failed to get a wonderful scholarship opportunity that would ensure quality education for her life. Quality education for people in the lower economic rung is hard to find. Here is Pabitra's story. I really want to help her study without thinking about any other household problems. If her story touches your heart and you would like to contribute in whatever ways, please pledge by commenting below or emailing me at richaneupane19@gmail.com.

I have known her for a year as her English teacher in class 10.

Pabitra was the most motivated student throughout the year that I have known her. She has regularly attended school and extra classes.  She is a very good Nepali writer. She has the maturity to know that further education is crucial for her life. Pabitra shows high concern towards the education of her sisters and cousins in her locality. She works hard to show them that studying and going to school is important. She has been of help and motivation to me as a teacher. She is very much committed towards learning more.

The fact that Pabitra sees the inequity in her village, in her family’s and societys’ backward thoughts about education and wants to change that by being an example really impresses me. She has volunteered with Red Cross during various health camps. She has also volunteered by helping me in the green room, to make sure the performers get ready on time, for six hours straight during the school annual program and I will be forever grateful towards her.

Pabitra is a bit shy at first. However, as she gets older I am sure she will overcome that. She is also willing to be better. Her strength is her commitment to study and become better. She is hard-working. She also has the ability to stand up against the wrong. She argues with her mother now and then when it is about going to school and learning. 

Pabitra and her 3 younger siblings have been raised by their single mother. It is really hard for her mother to support the education of all three. They don’t have land other than their small tin house.  Her father who lives with his second wife sends money now and then. But that is not enough.  So her mother takes small loans from local cooperatives to provide basic goods for the family.

As a child she has faced abandonment problems. She has only recently started to understand its consequences. She wants to give a better future for her siblings and support her mother to do that.

10 things young urban Nepali women and girls can do to feel more powerful

In the past I have made a list about what men can to do help remove sexism and gender-based stereotypes. Now I am sharing what women can do, instead of feeling powerless. These are little changes that you, a woman, can make without worrying your parents. And if we all do this may be our world will be a better place, who knows!

     1. Take more space. The more space your body occupies, the more powerful you will feel. For example, don’t sit hunched up in the microbus. Spread a bit and sit straight, wherever you are.Watch this video for inspiration.

2.   Go shotgun. Talking about micros and tempos, sit in the cabin alongside the driver. I have noticed that women usually directly ride in the back or main space, rather than the front seat of a public vehicle. I understand that since the drivers are mostly men, you may not feel safe, but try it! I have tried this before. Sometimes the drivers get bored of me because even they don’t know how to make conversations with a woman in the front seat. (But be careful while you close the door. You do have to show the driver that you are capable of closing the front door properly. Once, the tempo driver shocked me by pressing my breasts with his arm while shutting the cabin door for me.)            

This was my first time riding in the front with the tempo driver

   3. Sit in the public spots with other women and girls and chill like a lot of men do. For example, tea shops, parks, roadside railings, etc. Chaukath, a feminist network, organizes events to do this.  

4.   Look up. This is very important. Don’t look down when people/men look at you. Why are you ashamed when they look at you? Stare back according to the situation. I understand that sometimes looking away is the best option. But what I have noticed when walking around is that I tend to look to the ground when I feel like I am being watched. I think it is a show of weakness. So stand and stare and be more powerful!

 

5.  Shake hands when you meet men and women: friends, co-workers. Don’t think that women should not shake hands with men. This may be hard if you are in a rural setting like me, but try it and I will do the same.

      
   6.   Be more aware. This could be by reading the newspaper every day or researching your topic of interest. It is important for men in office or even social settings to know that you are also equally capable. So be knowledgeable and when you are talking about different topics, show it! Hint: Get educated about the upcoming local elections! Do you know what candidates you like/support? Do you know the process of the vote? Do you know that Nepal will change significantly in the next five years because of this election? Start with checking whether you are in the voter list or not here.

      
   7.   Get inspired. Get to know other powerful women. Find panels or offices where women have significance.  Find your role models and talk to them.

8.  Participate. For example there are so many events and programs you can be part of in Kathmandu. Go. Get out of your comfort zones and go. Even better when you go alone. Hint: Volunteer for voter awareness. Also, don’t forget to speak up when you participate. Voices matter. Women voices matter. (Also be aware that you are knowledgeable and sincere of what you are talking about.)

9.  Get into computers. Computers, coding languages, start-ups, design-thinking, graphic design. These are some already outdated 21^st century skills that are a must. So get techhed-up! Men are already on it. So, why should women be left behind? Check out Code for Nepal for their work in empowering women through digital literacy.

10.   Spread the word. Since you have read this, have a conversation with another female about this and let me know how it went! I used to be eve-teased a lot as a school girl and a teenager. Now that I am older it has changed (also thanks to better laws in this regard). However, my teen sibling may be a victim and I can share these points and have a conversation with her. 1 to 10 are probably things that seem basic to some people. Some of you might already be doing this, kudos! But to those who find this new, do these things to feel more powerful!

A Woman during Holi

Holi is the festival of colors. I taught this to class eight this year.

…

Last year was my first Holi in Nepal after 5 years. I spent it under the moon with 40 other fellows-in-training. I hated not being able to play with water and colors while nearby, a lot of people at the Gokarna resort reveled with Edward Maya in concert.

…

Coming back to this year, I was in the beautiful Terai city of Janakpur a day before Terai Holi. I accidentally booked a flight for later in the day. Because of this I could not play Holi in Kathmandu either. But right before I left for Kathmandu, a stranger put dabs of purple and pink on my forehead. I was strangely satisfied with those little dabs gifted with a good heart.

                                                                               …

At the Kathmandu airport, a taxi driver offered me a ride.

“Where are you going?”

“Thamel?”

“Or is it Lazimpat?”

“What is the cost?”, I entertained.

“You tell me where you want to go. Is it Swayambhu? It is Balaju”

He almost guessed my place. I might have given it to him and taken a ride in his taxi if he had said
Kalanki, which was where I was going. At the airport gate, I looked around. After reading a tweet about a tourist getting groped, I was scared to be out alone. I should have taken the taxi. But I looked around and people didn’t seem so hostile. Their faces painted and clothes wet, waited for the bus with me. When I finally got on a bus going to Ratnapark, I took the seat right behind the driver. I had a view of the whole bus and I could see what was happening inside and outside. This was a dream come true. Out and about in Kathmandu city during Holi.

…

Many years ago as an adolescent I used to play Holi in a field outside my house. The field faced the galli that ran from the ring road to the hill hamlets beyond Syuchartar. During Holi I didn’t get out of that little galli (lane) that led to the ringroad highway. I felt safe and happy within the limits of the house, the field and the galli. Now and then a raucous of boys and men, whose faces were painted silver, while and black, would run through the galli. I was scared that the whole city must be full of them and never ventured out.

                                                                               …

Here I was in the bus. I was so happy to be witnessing a Holi-full Kathmandu for the very first time. Times must have changed. Instead of men with black and silver faces, I saw endless groups of young people in tainted t-shirts that were once white. There was a concert in Naya Baneshwor. I saw some more throngs of people. Some youth were taking selfies at the Maitighar Mandala. Some more revelers at Sahidgate where I got off.

                                                                              …

We are finally getting to what actually happened. At Sahidgate, there was a huge crowd of mostly boys waiting for a bus. I realized that the Tundikhel had some huge celebration with thousands of young people. I was scared again, but then told myself that people were busy having fun in their little or big groups, they needn’t put colours on passerby’s like me.        

                                                                              …

A Sajha bus to Kalanki eventually appeared. It seemed empty so I tried to hop in with the rest of the boys that did the same. Thankfully, not colour or groping on me yet.

                                                                              …

Volia! I got the women’s reservation seat. Yes, you are getting very close to what actually happened. Thus bus waited on for some more passengers. “There aren’t much vehicles today,” the driver explained. I looked out the window. Crowds of youth again. These scene made me realize that the youth are the power of this country. These young people usually huddle in schools, colleges, restaurants, futsals, Durbar Squares, tea shops, universities and offices. But during this Holi they came out and you could see their strength and synergy. I went back to that dreadful week in April in 2015 when the young people of Kathmandu helped bring the city back to normal brick by brick.

                                                                              …

During my reverie I didn’t notice that the two girls with painted faces sitting in front of me were having a problem.

“Ramrari basnu dai (Please watch how you are standing)”, the girl on aisle seat said to a middle aged man who was awkwardly standing next to her in the crowded bus. It seemed like he might have sat on her leg.

The man quickly took offense and hit back, “E, tapai lai ramrari basna pauda garo bho?” ("Why, you are having a problem because you got a good seat?")

The other girl raised her voice, “K bhanyou ra hamle, ali ramrari basnu bhaneko eta garo bho.” ("Why are you making a fuss? Please maintain some distance as you stand, we are a bit uncomfortable here")

The man stunned by a young girl talking back at him retorted, “Tapai ko ho ra ramrari basna paune. Yo sajha bus ho. Tapai baristha hora sajha ma ta sajha treatment huncha.” ("Who are you to be sitting so comfortable, this is the common bus. Are you some biggie? In the common public bus, you will be treated as the general common public."

The girl was boiling in rage.

                                                                                …

I remember having such rage as a teen. Once a group of men sitting lazily on the pavement hurled a bunch of balloons my way. I angrily picked up stones from the ground and hurled back. Such anger is useful sometimes. But this man seemed to be trying to prove he was right and the girl was wrong. Such incidents often happen when we ride in public vehicles. Personal space is non-existent on crowded working days in public vehicles in Kathmandu. People cannot really tell good touch  or bad touch when its not very clear. I had been a victim only a few months ago when a guy took advantage of a crowd getting on the bus and grabbed my butt. I took his hand immediately and deepened my nails into his skin and put his hand away from me, giving a cold stare back.  So here I was, witnessing a scene where the intentions of people may or may not be clear to the accused, the victim or the observer.

                                                                              …

At the last reply of the man, the whole bus laughed away thinking it was a nice joke. Almost all the men in the bus just laughed. This gave the accused the support to continue trying to bring the girls down.

                                                                              …

This is where I come in. I could not take the boys making a joke out of this situation. They seemed to have no firsthand idea of the things women have to go through while traveling in Kathmandu and now they were just unknowingly adding to the burden. I turned back and gave all of them in a very judgmental ‘Seriously, you guys’ stare. Then I stood up and told the both the man and the girl to cut it out. I could not clearly tell who was at fault, but I told the girls to calm down and told them it’s alright, getting angry would only make them feel more terrible at their plight. I asked other boys to make the man shut up. It was eventually over. When I got out the girls thanked me. I replied, “What to do, getting so angry just makes us feel worse.”

                                                                                …

What I was appalled at was almost all of the boys just supported that one man. It seemed like here was a single generation, probably my age or younger, not empathizing with a woman simply having problems in the bus. Instead, by laughing with the accused, they were naively adding salt to the wound. This blog post is especially for the men and boys in that bus and those similar. It’s ironical that you are complaining about why there is a women’s reservation seat while you are laughing at such an incident. I would like to appeal you to at least try and understand these girls’ plights. Lend a hand to carry their bags. Stay alert for the women in the bus. Show some kindness. It might be just the one nice thing you do that day.

                                                                                …

And to all public vehicle users, I have a simple solution to the bitter chaos while using a public vehicle. A recent article in a New York magazine says that it really helps to think or wish good things for your fellow travelers to make the ride easier. For example, if a baby is crying, the least you can do is wish for that baby to calm down. Not grumble but silently wish that the baby felt comfortable. Doing this adds positive vibes to the scene. I tried it and it worked a few times. So try that!

                                                                                 …

Hope you had a terrific Holi and wish you a joy ride!

P.S. I would like to acknowledge the KMC for banning lolas (water balloons) during Holi. This has made the women’s week leading into Holi a lot less scarier.