Superpowers?

I wrote this six years back. As an older woman, I experience less of these roadside insults. When I read this, apart from finding myself so cute and naive, I can see that little has changed. Women and girls are still harassed in public situations. We still cannot be out of our homes too late at night. Men continue to gang up around concession stores and measure our heights, face, body, etc. I really appreciate Code for Nepal's campaign to bring light upon this issue of street harassment. Especially the data they will collect from their open survey, will help hear so many voices and use them to guide our policymakers. Yes, I am also hinting at you Madam President!

Superpowers!

No, its not about Spiderman or Superman; it’s about the women, or rather the girls of Kathmandu. Girls like me who love to live and enjoy. Girls like me, who wish they had superpowers to bring the uncouth boys, who just don’t mind minding other’s business, down to earth. Everywhere I see and experience boys picking on girls. Right from the so called “khalasis” (public vehicle conductors) to boys in reputed college uniforms, they do not miss on the opportunity when any girl passes by. Words like abbui, kaanchi sangai jauna (lets go together), sannanni (small girl) and aahaa (wow) are commonly used. These don’t seem much annoying in English but the way they say it and that in Nepali is so offensive. These are just the general terms. Go to Basantapur or any place as such and be prepared because what you are about to hear is something you are not able to digest. Some girls may find this amusing but this is an issue. It’s about dignity and public security and freedom. We girls are decent and cautious which is why every time such things happen we don’t try to argue or use similar words. And who knows first they tease and then take some other steps. Something needs to be done.

When these silly boys tease me I get so huffy. Not just because they blurted out bad but also because of my own inability to do anything. I can’t just go out there and call them names because what follows after that is a series of more bad. So if only I had powers I would be able to do something like slapping them from far or kicking them or spanking them. I could make them say things about themselves. I could make them embarrass themselves and get then to realize how it felt. Here are some of the many incidents that would justify the reason for this craving in me.

I am on my way home after sitting for SLC. Holi is in the air and the water balloons are flying like jets. I dodge a few and get hit by another few. A modified racing bike with two decent looking boys (maybe in their pre-twenties) comes from somewhere. And before I blink the man at the rare looks straight to me and bluntly shoots a water gun into my face! I stand there as I watch him go sneering at me and smirking. I am like shocked and trying to comprehend what just happened.

Isn’t that so humiliating and cheesy? If I had powers I could just blow my breath out and send the bike and its occupants zooming in the air and crashing into the deep and dirty ditch. That’s an evil thought but I cannot help it. I wish I could be invisible and punish those who harass women anytime anywhere. They call it fun and we call it torture. Man, they twist and turn their body in such a weird fashion simply to get in physical contact with any women passing by. I have specialized in escaping many of those, but it’s not that easy. With super powers I could create a protective shield around me so that no-one could do anything. I could seize their pleasure and avoid any uncomfortable situations. I want to teach these people a lesson you see. Make each one realize the anguish of the other and forbid them not by words but by action. The former in today’s world is just so useless.

To sum up all of us are in dire need. A well behaved city or simply “superpowers” would suffice.

Role of women

A quiet lunch at home paved way to my encounter with the play Madhavi. The lunch guest who recommended the play appeared to not like feminists, but at the same time appreciated the message of this play. The message revolves around the role of women. So, I went to Shilpee theatre one fine evening and watched the play with an intention to write about it. I have not watched a lot of plays but I really liked the actors in this one. The lead characters Galav and Bishwamitra really owned their roles. However, I am apprehensive about Madhavi's performance. Her delivery seemed a bit monotonous. Still the role involved a lot of variations and she pulled them off quite well.

The concept of the play is set during the Mahabharata ages but juxtaposed with the setting of traditional Nepali kingship of the middle ages. The lighting and the stage use is exemplary. 

Now the elephant in the room is the main theme – role of a woman. Madhavi gets passed around men – her father, her lover Galav, the three kings for whom she's fated to give birth to 'Chakarawarti Rajas' and finally the guru Biswamitra. There is a conversation between Madhavi and Galav where Galav criticizes how women don’t have any ambitions and any knowledge of responsibilities.  Madhavi questions how birthing children or supporting her lover's ambitions are not considered responsibilities. This particular dialogue makes the audience think about the current situation of women. We are still supporting our father's duty to get us married. Once we are married, we are supporting our husband and children's goals. Is that a way of taking on responsibility or are we shirking away bigger goals such as running the nation or becoming  a school principal?

I would like to link this to what many of my lady friends are experiencing – pressure to get married. Now that we have finished college, a lot of our parents want to give us away.  We have to fulfill the duty of being a daughter and move on to becoming a wife. In this transfer of roles, sometimes, us women's goals and ambitions are forgotten.  Getting married appears as if it is a huge duty to fulfill, while our own goals are considered secondary. What if tables are turned? What if we work towards our aims and ambitions while our men support us relentlessly to reach those goals? 

Times have changed and many traditions. For example arranged marriage has been loosened up to 'arranged-love marriage.' But why is there a pressure to fulfill these roles that many of us don’t want to take up? Why are women considered a burden (however subtly) to be married off in this day and age in educated households?  This is the situation in educated households, so how can we expect the situation to change in the households of poor and illiterate families?

In the name of ladies in their twenties, I would like to urge our Nepali parents to just let your girls be. Let them see the world, make and break their own decisions, and take up responsibilities of reaching their own aims and ambitions. How about that for a change? As my girlfriend and I toast with our cocktails in a bar in Thamel during happy hour, here's to making our own decisions!